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The Dallas Dilemma

By John King, 12/30/15, 5:00PM CST


Creation No. 0014

For Wild fans, the Dallas Stars prove you never forget your first

The Wild are my favorite NHL team. For better or worse, they are my hockey wife.

I have the newspaper from when the Wild signed Parise and Suter proudly hanging in my garage. I go to games. I own a jersey. I understand when the little kid slams the stick at center ice before every home game it means no one will ever take our hockey team away again. And, yes, Norm Green still sucks. 

Then why is it every time the Dallas Stars come to town, it awakens something deep inside of me? Why after 15 years with the Wild, can one Dallas Stars’ regular season visit to Saint Paul still give me the seven-year itch?

If the Wild are my hockey wife, the Dallas Stars are the hot ex-girlfriend I can’t quite shake.

I suspect I am not alone. 

To a hockey fan happily married to the Minnesota Wild, the Dallas Stars are like Christie Brinkley in a Ferrari making eyes at Clark Griswold.

I went to the Wild game against the Stars last Monday, a 6-3 victory for Dallas. And despite my best intentions, found myself once again standing like Sparky on the edge of the pool, clapping and saying, “This is crazy! This is crazy! This is crazy!” as I once again prepared to dive head over heels into love with the Dallas Stars. 

Making the whole thing even sicker is the fact that the Dallas Stars are the very folks who stole away our beloved North Stars. Yes, the reason the little kid does the “from my cold, dead hands” stick slam before every Wild home game at the Xcel Energy Center is because these bastards took our team. 

And while this makes me hate myself for still loving them, I’ll freely admit to having a giant soft spot for the Stars. If the Wild were in fact my hockey wife, not only would she hate Dallas, but she would have caught me red-handed Googling them on more than one occasion.  

And there is plenty to look at. I’ll admit to watching the Tyler Seguin & Jamie Benn Dude Perfect video more than once.  

Not only are Seguin (47 points) & Benn (49 points) one of the top-scoring duos in the league, their palpable chemistry is the stuff of cop buddy movies. 

I’ll admit Jamie Benn might be my favorite player in the league. And it’s not just the Clark Gable impersonation he does during warm-ups.  

I’ll admit I love the Stars’ new jerseys, the kelly green triggering North Star daydreams. I love the off season acquisitions the Stars made adding Patrick Sharp and Johnny Oduya. These ex-Blackhawks drank so much beer out of Lord Stanley’s Cup their hockey bags still smell like a college dorm. They give the Stars the cool older brothers they didn’t even need—adding Sharp and Oduya is like adding St. Elmo’s Fire Rob Lowe on saxophone and Lenny Kravitz on lead guitar to what was already a rock & roll super group.

I love that the Dallas Stars best players are young, inked up, and dangerous. I love that they are a high-flying, high-scoring team that regularly puts crooked numbers on the scoreboard. I love that not only is Jamie Benn on the Stars, but also his older brother Jordie Benn. Having “the Benn Brothers” on your NHL roster sounds more O.K. Corral than it does Central Division. And let’s not even get started about the 23-year-old Swedish blue line prodigy that is John Klingberg (32 points in 37 games, plus 16).  If that wasn’t enough, the Dallas Stars have two other things the Wild don’t: a Stanley Cup and a head coach with a mustache. What’s not to like?

But here’s the deal. I’m married to the Wild. I said “I do.” I made my vows. So what should I do when the Dallas Stars roll around on the hood of my car like Tawny Kitaen?

I guess I could buy a DVD on eBay of the 6-0 Manny Fernendez shutout from 2000 and watch it over and over again. I could go to couples’ therapy. I could join the promise keepers. 

As for now, I think I’ll just take a cold shower.  

Tag(s): Home  Stanley on 7th